Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Still In the Closet





I have this insatiable desire to learn. To know. I think that it is a downfall at times. I keep thinking if I learn this...if I know that...then I can be a good christian...a good wife...a good parent.

I joined, well we joined, a small group recently. I guess I was expecting something different. I was expecting to be fervently writing notes, getting into the scriptures, constantly having that "aha" moment. Okay, so it is not like that. Where do I come by that? Maybe I am too intense? I guess I just figure that time is short, our two years here has already started ticking by. I am impatient. I am going to this church and I feel like it has so much to offer me, in regards to personal growth, and I want the downpour. Wow, that sounded a little selfish...but I mean it in a good way, if that is possible.

Hmmm...back to being in the closet. I want Christ's light to shine in me. I want people to see a child of God, not this disorderly shell. How do I do that? How do I give up my own life? How do I take up the cross daily?

I want it...I am desperately grasping for it...

I read a verse the other week and I think I should read it by the hour, maybe even the minute. It talks about how the Bible and the Holy Spirit were given to us as teachers. That we should look to them for answers to our questions. I am probably totally butchering the verse, but that is what I got out of it. Maybe I should just pray on that daily.

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