Wednesday, March 31, 2010


So we lift up our voices and open our hands
Let go of the things that have kept us from Him.
-David Crowder Band

Let go of the things that have kept us from Him...that is do I let go of myself?

Saturday, March 20, 2010

My Brother

So, I have a little brother.  I think the world of him.  Seriously...I hold him as close to my heart as I do my husband or my children.  Last week he was beaten, no, savagely attacked...assaulted.  His jaw was broken so badly and so many teeth were missing that they just pieced together his jaw and are planning on a secondary surgery to reconstruct his jaw.  Thankfully my parents were able to go out to him and take care of him for a bit.  The surgeon said that he is lucky to be alive...especially lucky to not have any brain damage.  This is my brother, someone that I hold so dearly.  I have totally been blind sided by this.  I think we all have.  I take life for granted everyday.  I purchase the best car seats, look both ways before crossing the street, I make sure my kids are protected from the sun.  How do I protect them from this?  I don't.  I let them know the dangers that are out there.  They need to know their own mortality.  Not everything in life makes sense.  So, you conquer and overcome what doesn't.  I do pray though that somehow God will just use this to draw my brother closer to Him.  I look at my own life, how God never let me go...he won the battle with me...I am His...I know He can also win the battle for my brother, for my dad, for anyone who is lost.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Mother/Daughter Bonding

So, we have all been sick.  Last Thursday Alexander was sick and one by one we have all fallen to this sickness of barfing, well, with the exception of Ike.  Jacquelyn could not seem to beat it though.  Each day she woke up, her usual energetic self and then would barf later on, but she seemed fine.

So, we decided to head to New York, thinking oh JQ will be better tomorrow.  Well, she did not get better.  Long story short...we ended up in the ER on Staten Island.

Dan dropped JQ and I off and we waited forever(:  I have to say, I did not mind it very much.  Our lives have gotten so busy, it was nice to spend a moment with Jacquelyn alone.  She just wanted to sit on my lap and be comforted by me. 

I want to type this out, I want to remember this in every detail, but the words are not really flowing through my fingers today. 

At one point they decided to put an IV in.  So, I held Jacquelyn down.  I held her arm and watched the terror in her eyes, watched the tears flow.  I found my voice though and demanded that she look at me..."Look at mama Jacquelyn...look at me Jacquelyn..." those were the words coming out of my mouth.  She looked at me and she put the arm I was holding around my neck and said, "Mama they are hurting my arm."  She was not mad at me though, she sought comfort from me.  I was able to give her comfort and satisfy her.  They ended up having to try the other arm.  Then the IV, whatever it is called, went bad while they were pumping fluids in her.  So, I was faced with having to hold her down again...I almost threw up...I almost fainted.  But luckily enough some fluids got in...they gave us this magical medicine to stop her vomiting...she ate some popsicles...and was back to normal, well we are still pumping fluids in her and trying to fend off the dehydration. 

But....last night we were taking a nap and she rolled over and faced me.  She held my face in her hands, just like I held hers the night previously, she said, "Close your eyes mama, you will feel better," while softly running her hands over my cheeks, my eyebrows, my nose, "I love you Mama."  I do not even know what else to say....