Crying...

Ugh...it really stresses me out to hear one of my babies crying. "Stresses me out" that is definitely the understatement of the century. I am sitting here eating marshmallows and chocolate bars leftover from a previous camping trip.

Funny how I spent over 9 months anticipating, yearning for...the first cry...the relief that washed over me, almost as intense as the relief my body felt when he was born.

I am so tired these days, really I want to be the one crying. I am broken, I must be. Right now I feel like everything around me is falling apart, that I am falling apart. Today that is the way I feel.

I know tomorrow it will be better...with each breath it really seems to be better, but I have always been an optimist. I know what is wrong, granted life is a little hectic these days, but I am skimping on my quiet times.

I really am noticing lately that my relationship with God is a convenience. I do not want to be that way. No relationship is easy, you really have to work for it, you have to sacrifice for it. I am so lacking. But here I am, at yet another turning point.

"There is hope for me yet because God won't forget all the plans He's made for me."

BFF

So, I have this friend. My entire life my mom has prayed for this friend. Here I am, 32 years old, just meeting her. Even though our time living as neighbors is running short, I am constantly grateful for every second we have had and still have.

Whomever said, "A taste of honey is worse than none at all" was stupid. Any agony I experience from our upcoming separation is well worth just one more moment with her. As Anne of Green Gables would say...She is my bosom friend(:

My mom says she will continue to pray for another friend just like her when we move to Rhode Island. I do want friends, but not another one like her. She is special, there are no words to describe her, to describe our friendship.

Safe...that is how I feel when we are together. Safe because I know that whatever I say, whatever I do, she will not take offense, she knows that I have the best intentions towards her and her beautiful family. She loves me like a sister, yet we have no blood relation. She forgives me like a sister, forgiving the moment of the offense.

She inspires me, she encourages me, she is a part of me. I am eternally grateful to God for bringing her into my life and I am eternally grateful to her for letting me into hers.

So, thank you friend...thank you Friend.

Who has the time anyways?

I wish I could get to my computer more quickly. I have all of these wonderful, intelligent things to say, but by the time I get to my computer, they have all faded away.

I wish that I was a poet, a composer, a designer. I wish that I could think independently and create my own things. Right now I am stuck memorizing poetry that has already been written...playing music that has already been composed....making clothing from a pattern that somebody else designed.

There are so many things that I want to do, but I feel like my body was not designed to do all of these things. I am tired, and I happen to be sick.

Things that I am grateful for...
A patient husband
Three beautiful children...pictures coming soon...
A loving mother and three loving siblings
Friends...I am so thankful for my friends(:
I am so thankful for beautiful things, even if they were not created by me(: