Red-winged Black Birds

My favorite bird of all time is a seagull, but before the seagull was my favorite the red-winged black bird was my favorite.  They are these beautiful birds that are so prevalent in Indiana...well at least where I lived in Indiana.

It is so cold here, so cold that we cannot even take our little ones outside.  So, this weekend we decided to take a trip to IKEA.  I needed a bookshelf for Ike's home schooling stuff and I am always eager to check out the fabric selection.  We always hit the clearance section too, just for fun.  Well, this time I found a door, just a cupboard door and suddenly I was hit with a bit of inspiration.  So, after talking with Dan about it...getting him a little inspired...the following is what we came up with...

I wanted to use my favorite fabric of all time, which was of course covered in seagulls...but it was too light-weight and would have required interfacing, which I did not have on hand!  So, if you will notice on the lower right hand corner, there are two red-winged black birds!  Dan put magnetic strips above and below...there are extra sewing feet and bobbins in the top canisters and then I use the bottom for scissors and other misc things.  Pretty cool, huh?  Life is not so bad....

 

Here is another view of it...along with a glimpse of my sewing machine/friend.  Below are some notebooks my mom and I made while she was here...for her friends back home.  While she was here we hemmed one skirt, finished one dress, sewed three bags, cut out 15 bags, made one diaper changing pad, several little makeup bags, covered 6 journals, made a messenger bag for Ike's Bible, and completed 7 pairs of pajama pants.  We were busy(:  And we were both sick.  I am still sick...

I Want to Go Home!

I want to go home, says the military brat, who has never had a home.  But, that is the way I feel.  I want to go home.  Where to though?

I want to go home to my husband's arms.  But I cannot, not physically...because he is gone and not emotionally because my heart is so hardened. 

Why is it so hard to just let myself go?  Why do I hold back?  Yes, I have been hurt, but so has he.  I miss him so much when he is gone, but when he is here I totally turn away from him.  We live our lives waiting for him to come home.  When he is here, our lives stop.  We stop cleaning the house, stop school, stop everything because he is home.  Then he leaves and suddenly we have all these dishes to clean, tires to change, the list goes on.

I want to live.  I want to stop surviving because that is what I am doing now.  Barely.

Okay...so the optimist in me is saying I should say something positive to balance out this post.  There are plenty of positive things...I went to go wake up my youngest from his late slumber and he was standing in his crib, contentedly looking out the window.  He glanced over to me, smiled and said, "Carry me."  Why can I not just focus on the positives?  Why can I not just absorb all the good and just turn away from getting carried away by the negative?

So, I am going to go...go put together a tuna puzzle, go for a walk, maybe make some bags....

Hello Sunshine!

Here it is...my sewing cabinet, with a little ray of light welcoming me from her favorite hiding place.

A gift for baby Emma.

The gift unfolded.  I suck at binding, that is why there are no close ups(:  But the edging is baby wale corduroy, which is also found on the back.  It is luscious!  Perfect size for an infant carrier cover.  I am so glad to have my machine back!

Hope and Hard Lessons

This picture has nothing to do with my post...I just like it.

So, this week I worked on drawing closer to God...which is standards ops for me.  Let me share with you a little what I learned. 

There is a lady I church that I really would like to get together with, but she keeps putting me off.  Saying she will get to my requests (via email, facebook and even personal encounters) later.  It has really hurt my feelings...blah blah blah.  She even offered to provide mentoring and I really feel like she has not come through.  Then I started turning the tables...hmmm...why does this sound SO familiar?  Because I am that lady.  God is persistently, patiently and lovingly asking to be a part of my life.  He has this plan for me and I keep saying oh yeah...later.  It just was kind of sobering to think that the feelings that I am having might be the feelings that Christ might be having as I am constantly putting things above him on my list of things to do.  Part of me is turned towards God, wanting to follow him...but what about my heart?  Is my heart, my mind wholly surrendered to him?  No.

This is my year though.  During the 33rd year of my life I will turn my being towards God.  I will lose myself in him.  I can say this with confidence because he is persistent, loving and patient.  He has a plan for my life a wonderful plan, how special am I?

More on the jacket...

Okay, so I finally wrapped this gift and even hand delivered it!  I wrapped it in muslin with a neat little bow.  I was going to have Ike add some artwork to the muslin, but I could not find the fabric pens(:

Whoops!  This is Alexander who has started posing when the camera comes out!

Crafty, second time around...

My neighbor is having a baby, I just found out that they think the baby will come within the next 48 hours!  I really wanted to make something for her...here is my attempt...

It is really hard to make a jacket look interesting!

It is lined with corduroy...super soft corduroy...

I made a lot of mistakes, but I am hoping that maybe she will not notice that until later.

Here is Jacquelyn...I had to include a picture of her.  Got to love those curls.

Fun in the snow!!

So, I have been taking an antidepressant for the past 7 months.  I cannot believe that it has already been that long.  I have always struggled with depression and I mean always.  It was not just this thing that popped up when I was a teenager.  But, I guess I realized I needed help after everything happened with Luke.  Since then, I have been on and off an antidepressant.  Off while pregnant and nursing...on when I was not.  This time it was really hard to come off the antidepressant.  I really struggled.  I seriously just wanted to sleep, that is it.  I still just want to sleep to some extent, but am getting my energy back to face the world(:  There were a couple of days that I just wanted Dan to take me to the ER...something...to make me stop feeling the way I felt.  Okay, so those days are over with, but I just wanted to note it in my blog.  Really, it was only two weeks of emotionally feeling awful (I am still feeling the physical reproccussions), but during the time it seemed like a decade.  I like looking through my previous posts and remembering what I was feeling...seeing what baby steps I have made in growing.  So, that is that...on to the good stuff!

Yesterday we went sledding.  This is the first day that I peeled myself out of my pjs and put some real clothes on willingly...not out of obligation!  As I threw my pjs on the bed, Dan commented that he was surprised that they did not stand on their own.  He has been really tolerant of me...really loving...so I am grateful.  BUT!!!  We went sledding and I captured a few of the million smiles of that day on camera.  So, without further delay...

My sweet, still toothless, Ike.

JQ and Alexander smiling, full-tilt!  That is chocolate on Alexander's face, it was on clearance where we bought the sleds!

I just love this one...his eyes are closed...I just love it!

I have a million more...maybe I will randomly post them later.  I heard on the radio the other day that we choose our attitudes.  We choose to "consider it all joy".  With God's grace that is where I am right now.  It was a really rough couple of weeks, but now I know.  What will I do the next time I am not pregnant or breastfeeding?  Something to be prayerful and mindful about, for sure!