Thursday, February 10, 2011
Rearranging Life
We have been moving things around in our house. I put Al and JQ in the same room. Right now I am in my bed nursing Eleanor. I can hear their sweet voices chattering. I am so thankful for this!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
A circle that is closer to being complete
Today I found myself googling the genetic counselor that told me that Luke had Spina Bifida. Even more amazing I dialed her number and called. She picked up.
Time is hazy. I still have to count to figure out how old Luke would be. He would 7 this year. So, just almost exactly 7 years ago I walked into the Naval Hospital in Portsmouth VA very nervous. I was wearing a pair of Dan's jeans and a pink shirt. It was just a week before Valentine's Day. I walked in there such an innocent. Thinking that I could overcome anything...thinking I was untouchable. I left feeling like I was an untouchable. Not to be dramatic. I had no place. I couldn't hang out with the happy mothers to be who were awaiting perfection. I could not mourn with the unfortunate mothers who endured a miscarriage. I was lost.
So, later that day I met with my genetic counselor. She was this awesome lady, totally a kindred spirit. She was an old friend in a stranger's body. We lost touch over the years, but today I called her. It was nice to talk to someone who knew Luke.
He always kicked at the same time everyday. Sweet Luke. I miss him. Today I will hold my kids a little tighter, a little longer. Today I will let the tears spill over. Sweet Luke.
Time is hazy. I still have to count to figure out how old Luke would be. He would 7 this year. So, just almost exactly 7 years ago I walked into the Naval Hospital in Portsmouth VA very nervous. I was wearing a pair of Dan's jeans and a pink shirt. It was just a week before Valentine's Day. I walked in there such an innocent. Thinking that I could overcome anything...thinking I was untouchable. I left feeling like I was an untouchable. Not to be dramatic. I had no place. I couldn't hang out with the happy mothers to be who were awaiting perfection. I could not mourn with the unfortunate mothers who endured a miscarriage. I was lost.
So, later that day I met with my genetic counselor. She was this awesome lady, totally a kindred spirit. She was an old friend in a stranger's body. We lost touch over the years, but today I called her. It was nice to talk to someone who knew Luke.
He always kicked at the same time everyday. Sweet Luke. I miss him. Today I will hold my kids a little tighter, a little longer. Today I will let the tears spill over. Sweet Luke.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Things I hear when I am not in the same room...
Ike: Moommm! Jacquelyn is chewing her french fries and regurgitating them on my desk!
Mom: Ike, do you know where your history book is, I cannot find it.
Ike: I am astonished that we cannot find it, bewildered.
Mom: Ike, do you know where your history book is, I cannot find it.
Ike: I am astonished that we cannot find it, bewildered.
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