Thursday, February 10, 2011

Rearranging Life

We have been moving things around in our house. I put Al and JQ in the same room. Right now I am in my bed nursing Eleanor. I can hear their sweet voices chattering. I am so thankful for this!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

A circle that is closer to being complete

Today I found myself googling the genetic counselor that told me that Luke had Spina Bifida.  Even more amazing I dialed her number and called.  She picked up.

Time is hazy.  I still have to count to figure out how old Luke would be.  He would 7 this year.  So, just almost exactly 7 years ago I walked into the Naval Hospital in Portsmouth VA very nervous.  I was wearing a pair of Dan's jeans and a pink shirt.  It was just a week before Valentine's Day.  I walked in there such an innocent.  Thinking that I could overcome anything...thinking I was untouchable.  I left feeling like I was an untouchable.  Not to be dramatic.  I had no place.  I couldn't hang out with the happy mothers to be who were awaiting perfection.  I could not mourn with the unfortunate mothers who endured a miscarriage.  I was lost.

So, later that day I met with my genetic counselor.  She was this awesome lady, totally a kindred spirit.  She was an old friend in a stranger's body.  We lost touch over the years, but today I called her.  It was nice to talk to someone who knew Luke.

He always kicked at the same time everyday.  Sweet Luke.   I miss him.  Today I will hold my kids a little tighter, a little longer.  Today I will let the tears spill over.  Sweet Luke.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Things I hear when I am not in the same room...

Ike:  Moommm!  Jacquelyn is chewing her french fries and regurgitating them on my desk!

Mom:  Ike, do you know where your history book is, I cannot find it.
Ike:  I am astonished that we cannot find it, bewildered.