I don't know how to ask for help

I don't know how to receive help either.

I have never taken anything without giving something back.

At some point anyone that I have ever loved has let me down, abandoned me.  I figure it is easier and safer just to do everything on my own, so I don't risk the hurt.  Poor me.  Everyone in my life has let me down. 

Seriously though, I have let down every person that has entered into my life.  I am human, I make mistakes, right along with every other human that enters into my life.

So, my husband is gone until January or so.  7 months total he will be gone.  Maybe this is an opportunity to practice asking and receiving help. 

Come to me, 

all who labor and are heavy laden, 

and I will give you rest.  

Take my yoke upon you, 

and learn from me, 

for I am gentle and lowly in heart, 

and you will find rest for your souls.  

For my yoke is easy, 

and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

Focus

This morning I woke up to reality.  My reality.  Not such a positive thing right now.  I have an 8yo, 3yo, 2yo and 3 week old.  My husband is deployed...for oil spill clean up.  I am not getting any sleep.  I am just beat.  My kids are constantly fighting, Jacquelyn is not sleeping again, Alexander has suddenly become a pest to his siblings, Ike needs to run and have more interaction with boys...Eleanor, well she is 3 weeks old which is self explanatory.

I am tired.

I feel alone.

I feel like a failure.

But that is me talking.  In reality, I have been given this amazing opportunity to grow into the person that God wants me to be.  I am tired, but not alone...and I have not failed(:  So, if I can just focus on that, focus on the thought that God cares so much about me that he is challenging me.  He sees in me this amazing person and is giving me the opportunity to become that person. 

Focus Melissa, focus.