Guilt

So, the Davis Family is sick again.  It seems like we have been sick all winter long.  We did the whole cold/cough thing a couple of times and then moved on to the vomiting..which was crazy awful...then diarrhea stuck around for a long time...now we are back to colds. 

Obviously things have been kind of crazy here lately because Ike is constantly keeping an eye on me...making sure I am not crying, that I am okay.  I feel awful that he has this burden.  Today I went to go talk to JQ, who had just been sent to her room for the millionth time, it was a bad day.  I found her in her bed, hiding her hands, refusing to tell me what she had gotten into.  I just cried, I am so tired, sick and just frustrated with her behavior as of late.  So, now I have her checking on me, making sure that I am not crying. 

Selfishly, I cannot help but think that some of this would not be happening, some of this would be easier to deal with if...if only my husband came home every night.  So, I heard about this lady who was talking to some other ladies, the later were complaining about their husbands antics and the such...something I never do(:  But the first lady said something about how her husband had died and how she wished every night that she would stumble over his dirty laundry...find his trash on the counter...stand confused at his inability to load the dishwasher...etc.  The story was supposed to give me a bit of perspective.  Perhaps encourage me to find a little grace in my heart to give to my own husband. 

Is there a balance though?  I cannot imagine a life without my husband, nor do I wish it.  But really, is it too much to ask for a little help?  He cleans out the car...stuffs everything in a couple of bags and leaves it next to the front door to crowd our entry way...is it too much to ask for him to complete the job?  I would have been fine with the stuff being left in the car!!!  I know that his work is hard, leaves him feeling drained...I am tired of seconds though...I am tired of trying to feel grateful for the seconds...the leftovers. 

This is today though, thankfully I will awaken tomorrow to a new day, with new mercies (Thank you Lord).  Tomorrow the sun will be shining and the kids and I will hopefully be well enough to make it outside of the house to enjoy it.  Tomorrow I will succeed at something other than failing.  Today was Monday...really...I should just be happy that I made it through it.