I want to hide away, I want to sleep this month away. I want to wake up one morning and look outside and see that March has come.
February is the month in which I choose to end my own child's life.
I hate that it creeps up on me. Each day I awaken to the thought that my life should be different. There is never really a moment that passes that I do not think of Luke. Do I have closure? How can I have closure? How can I feel right about this? There is a constant inner dialogue that plays in my head...if only you had done this...then in the deepest darkest corner of my heart there is that little voice that says what if you had done that? Would it have been any better? He would have suffered, how he would have suffered. How can I not have turmoil?
My soul continually remembers it
and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
and is bowed down within me.
But this I call to mind,
and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
Lamentations 3:20-25
Me with JQ...evidence of God's mercy.
I'm so thankful for you- and thankful that the Lord returns beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning because I have those heavy burdens, too, as I suppose we all do. May we be able to thank Him, even for these events because of what He works in our souls as a result. You may see ashes, but I see beauty in you. . . so much beauty!
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