I will cast all my cares upon You.

Today is the last day of February.  It is gone and I am sad.  I hate this month, but at the same time it hurts to see it go. 

Because I need to let go.  I have nothing...my arms are empty...I have a hole in my heart that will never be filled.  I am angry, I am resentful, I seek vengeance for my suffering.  It will do nothing though.  All of these hurts that I have accumulated cannot be satiated by anything here on earth. 

So, I pray.  I pray as these hurts arise that Christ will take care of them.  I ask him to bear them for me.  I am letting go, sometimes unwillingly.  They are no longer my hurts to bear though.  They were never my hurts to begin with yet desperately I have clung to them, still frantically I chase after them. 

This is my year though.  This is the year that I turn my heart, my mind, my being to God.  So, today I give up my Luke.  I will always dream about him, remembering the day he was born/died.  I will remember to secretly celebrate the day I wanted him to be born.  Remember what it felt like when he kicked at the same times everyday.  I will remember the outfit I wore the day after I found out that he had hydrocephalus and spina bifida. 

I will remember it all because I never want there to be a day...an hour...even a minute that I so completely and totally turn my heart, my mind, my being from God.