It seems like I am so lost these days.
Really struggling...wanting to go somewhere...but not wanting to put the work in to move.
Have you ever had something awful and unexpected happen? Like a death? There is this emptiness that consumes you. Almost a numbness that passes over you.
I feel that way...except there is not a death, nothing tragic has happened.
Some days I awaken and it is not there, and I think that maybe that feeling was just a dream, that I really can deal with "this" not really knowing what "this" is. But then it comes back, unexpectedly, and I am hit again.
I am such a doer. I want to do things, I want people to see the goodness inside of me and the goodness that I can do.
But I am not good, and I wonder what am I really doing?
God has a plan for me. These things that I busy myself with, they are all for naught...if it isn't within His plan. So, I wonder why I do it.
What would He have me give up? What am I really willing to give up? My sister and I talk and we wonder what we haven't given up, I feel stripped sometimes. But then there is my sewing, secret fabric purchases (guilty), novels, TV shows, a bookshelf of sewing books that I admit, I totally covet them. I don't want to give in...so I cling to these things because I deserve them, right?
I wonder what I would look like it I could just strip down the clutter that is inside my heart and within my life. Would this dread that suffucates me at times visit less frequently?
What can I live without? What can I purge so that I can be bare and receptive to God's will?
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Thinking of you...praying for you! We are surrounded by so many "pretty things", it is hard to strip bare...it is a process. It is a painful and joyful process all at once!! The good news is that God is not finished with you yet, or you would be satisfied - oh, sometimes ignorance would be bliss, wouldn't it??!! Be easy on yourself...love yourself as God loves you - hard to digest, isn't it? Just tell yourself every day...He is waiting for you...He is patient and He will guide you. Love to you...hope to see you tomorrow! Lisa C.
ReplyDeleteChrist just asks us to take one step at a time. And while he does want to be above all else, he also gives us more things than we could imagine for our pleasure...
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