Somewhere along the line I must have changed

I have completed my first week in Virginia. I have gone to church the first time. I have gone to the landfill twice. Been on just one walk and only been to the park once. Unfortunately I have already lost count of how many trips I have made to Target. Oh and I did make one trip to a new fabric store.

I am lost though. I have already encountered a super rude aggressive driver, a pizza MAN wearing a push-up bra, a church where I was not greeted and my greetings fell on deaf ears, a park that warned that it was being treated for fire ants and to play at your own risk.

I have been here a week and I am tired. Left wanting to feel at home but knowing that this is not my home. I am not suppose to make this Earth my home...but how do I live with the exruciating void that is within me, this homesickness that is inundating my system? Homesickness but I know no specific home.

It has been an interesting week.

Rearranging Life

We have been moving things around in our house. I put Al and JQ in the same room. Right now I am in my bed nursing Eleanor. I can hear their sweet voices chattering. I am so thankful for this!

A circle that is closer to being complete

Today I found myself googling the genetic counselor that told me that Luke had Spina Bifida.  Even more amazing I dialed her number and called.  She picked up.

Time is hazy.  I still have to count to figure out how old Luke would be.  He would 7 this year.  So, just almost exactly 7 years ago I walked into the Naval Hospital in Portsmouth VA very nervous.  I was wearing a pair of Dan's jeans and a pink shirt.  It was just a week before Valentine's Day.  I walked in there such an innocent.  Thinking that I could overcome anything...thinking I was untouchable.  I left feeling like I was an untouchable.  Not to be dramatic.  I had no place.  I couldn't hang out with the happy mothers to be who were awaiting perfection.  I could not mourn with the unfortunate mothers who endured a miscarriage.  I was lost.

So, later that day I met with my genetic counselor.  She was this awesome lady, totally a kindred spirit.  She was an old friend in a stranger's body.  We lost touch over the years, but today I called her.  It was nice to talk to someone who knew Luke.

He always kicked at the same time everyday.  Sweet Luke.   I miss him.  Today I will hold my kids a little tighter, a little longer.  Today I will let the tears spill over.  Sweet Luke.

Things I hear when I am not in the same room...

Ike:  Moommm!  Jacquelyn is chewing her french fries and regurgitating them on my desk!

Mom:  Ike, do you know where your history book is, I cannot find it.
Ike:  I am astonished that we cannot find it, bewildered.

Why I am ready for Heaven...

I am ready for heaven because all the barriers we have will be broken down.  There will no longer be a language barrier to contend with.  Really I am looking forward to there being a lack of communication barriers.  I am looking forward to not unintentionally injuring people with my words and vice versa.  I am looking forward to saying something and the true meaning is instantly, readily evident.

I am tired of email where words and meanings can be misconstrued.  I wish that we could just always read and think the best of people's words. 

Today I am faced with reality. I am waiting in the parking lot whilst my husband is being seen at the Navy clinic. While we were waiting an elderly lady parked next to us. Glancing over I noticed she was having a hard time getting out of her car, not physically by mentally. Kind of like she was nervous. Then she opened her door and hit our car. The kids were appalled. I reassured them that really it was okay.

I will be that lady. How will I be loved or appreciated? How will I be seen by others? Will I be a burden or a blessing? Time goes by so quickly. I know this...I live this. What am I teaching my kids? Am I teaching them to seek after the Lord with all there heart or am I teaching them that it is okay to put Him on the shelf while life is busy to pick Him up at a more convienient time? Reality is not so fun to face at times.

Well, my time is up here...blogging that is...

Socks

How is your day going? I slipped on my socks today to find a hole cut above the big toe of my 12 dollars socks. No big deal I initially thought, but I am realizing that it kind of is because this year my winter shoes are an old pair of Birkenstocks. Sigh...