Crying...

Ugh...it really stresses me out to hear one of my babies crying. "Stresses me out" that is definitely the understatement of the century. I am sitting here eating marshmallows and chocolate bars leftover from a previous camping trip.

Funny how I spent over 9 months anticipating, yearning for...the first cry...the relief that washed over me, almost as intense as the relief my body felt when he was born.

I am so tired these days, really I want to be the one crying. I am broken, I must be. Right now I feel like everything around me is falling apart, that I am falling apart. Today that is the way I feel.

I know tomorrow it will be better...with each breath it really seems to be better, but I have always been an optimist. I know what is wrong, granted life is a little hectic these days, but I am skimping on my quiet times.

I really am noticing lately that my relationship with God is a convenience. I do not want to be that way. No relationship is easy, you really have to work for it, you have to sacrifice for it. I am so lacking. But here I am, at yet another turning point.

"There is hope for me yet because God won't forget all the plans He's made for me."

BFF

So, I have this friend. My entire life my mom has prayed for this friend. Here I am, 32 years old, just meeting her. Even though our time living as neighbors is running short, I am constantly grateful for every second we have had and still have.

Whomever said, "A taste of honey is worse than none at all" was stupid. Any agony I experience from our upcoming separation is well worth just one more moment with her. As Anne of Green Gables would say...She is my bosom friend(:

My mom says she will continue to pray for another friend just like her when we move to Rhode Island. I do want friends, but not another one like her. She is special, there are no words to describe her, to describe our friendship.

Safe...that is how I feel when we are together. Safe because I know that whatever I say, whatever I do, she will not take offense, she knows that I have the best intentions towards her and her beautiful family. She loves me like a sister, yet we have no blood relation. She forgives me like a sister, forgiving the moment of the offense.

She inspires me, she encourages me, she is a part of me. I am eternally grateful to God for bringing her into my life and I am eternally grateful to her for letting me into hers.

So, thank you friend...thank you Friend.

Who has the time anyways?

I wish I could get to my computer more quickly. I have all of these wonderful, intelligent things to say, but by the time I get to my computer, they have all faded away.

I wish that I was a poet, a composer, a designer. I wish that I could think independently and create my own things. Right now I am stuck memorizing poetry that has already been written...playing music that has already been composed....making clothing from a pattern that somebody else designed.

There are so many things that I want to do, but I feel like my body was not designed to do all of these things. I am tired, and I happen to be sick.

Things that I am grateful for...
A patient husband
Three beautiful children...pictures coming soon...
A loving mother and three loving siblings
Friends...I am so thankful for my friends(:
I am so thankful for beautiful things, even if they were not created by me(:

Balance

It is bath time again, I can only multitask so much when my kids are bathing. I already cleaned the bathroom, so what is left...only to create another post.

I feel like I spend my entire life jumping from one side of the scale to the other...isn't there a seat in the middle?

This week my eldest son was picked as student of the week, along with the title he gets a superstar backpack to wear and each day he brings in something special. Monday afternoon he brought home the backpack and it reeked of smoke...REEKED. It was almost like someone was smoking in the backpack. It just made me feel really badly for the previous week's student of the week. GI said he always smells like smoke. ANYWAYS...it made me angry. Angry at the boy's parents, angry at life, just angry. Then GI asked me something and I snapped at him. How do I deal with anger? How do I have emotions and not let them bleed out into my family? I need balance. I am grateful that I immediately saw which way I was heading though. So, I did some damage control and it seems like things are good. I am still angry for my sons classmate, but maybe I should just make a list and start praying for him. I am not helpless, though sometimes it seems like I could not possibly be anything else.

Well, bath time is almost over. The children are starting to get pruned fingers and toes. Until we meet again...

My first post....there is no going back

I am not very good at writing, my punctuation is usually incorrect and I misspell a lot of words. So, I kind of feel like I should just apologize from the start. I have been "starting" this blog for months, I feel like I just need to get this one out and it will be easier.

I am not even sure why I am starting a blog. I really only know of one person that will look at it(: So, regardless, here is a little bit about me...

I am a stay at home mom of three...AK(13m), JQ(2yrs) and GI(7rs). I am a christian...trying to find the balance among being a growing christian, a wife and a mom. I want to radiate Christ in my every thought, word and deed...but am not quite there yet.

So, here it is...my first post.